TF's original, complete and unabridged blog: http://aucunamour.blogspot.com

Let's not talk abou tthis ok? Digital Life have already said about this..

ok ok fem .. dun say anymore okay!

I agree ... Lets STOP this witch hunt once and for all. I mean, almost everyone including myself already know who the 2 parties are, and I mean, no point to keep crying over spilt milk.

Here is something for both of you.
LX: If you do read this, please do take more precaution next time. Condoms are cheap, and if you need help using them, there are a lot of online guides available. I do not blame you as much as at the beginning of this whole episode, and you really should put this episode behind you and move on with life, be a good officer and leader in the army

TF: You were the other hand that clapped. Time will be the best medicine for you now. As you can see, there are many people who are in a similar situation as you are. Try to forgive LX. He although unremourseful, have through this episode been put through a lot as well. I know personally what it feels like to be witch hunted. It is a terrible feeling having to keep looking over your shoulder and having to see if there is someone there with a base ball bat with your name on it. It is also just as bad to hear people whispering your name. Now that your story has been published on the chinese tab's, I hope that have done you justice with their reporting.

Lets STOP this witch hunt once and for all

Wah lau! Then still want to say some more!

How about we sweep all this under the rug like NKF and move on? This is certainly no national issue. They made the mess, let them clean it up. This reflects the irresponsible nature of our society these days.

Its on Sammy boy as well.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=sammyboymod&msg=80028.1

Well everybody, guess what! The story is now on Lian He Wan Bao!

From the article:
"Scholarship holder dumps pragnant girl friend."
"Boyfriend says: She told me to not use any protections during intercourse."

Well done Singapore journalists and bloggers! Now let the witch hunt begin!

Corrections, the paper involved is Xin Ming rather than Lian He.

"Woohoo. We are teh coolness, we are faster than mainstream media!"

What The !!! Comon people give it a rest can.

Haven't we talked about this enough.

Stay strong. Take care.

Trackback from Unstoppable publicity whore strikes again!:

Because it is not for any third party to know what goes on between a man and a woman..... , because the relationship exists solely in the idiom that the active players have foisted upon it....

Intellectual Property theft on a grand scale.

As soon as TF took down the blog, some one registered the blogsite and then cut and paste her cached content back up. On the Blogsite, this particular induhvidual maintained that he was doing the public a service.

If you are reading this let me spell it out for you -
1. You have no rights to the person's writings. They were published by you without permission.
2. Your total disregard for her wish for pirvacy and to bring this matter to a close tells me that your moral compass probably needs a little tuning
3. This is made worse by the fact that she is going through a pregnancy and undue stress from such inconsiderate actions are not good for the baby

TF and I have no wish to pursue this matter, and we hope that you will delete the blog without further action from us.

Errol do not use "us". You are very sure that it is both you and TF who wants this or are you yourself trying to undo something that went wrong. The initial blog listed you as one of the authors and so what you going to do? sue him? I am sure God will assign you a lawyer ... The god who is so great and blessed a kind girl with this predicament. The God who causes parking problems in all the public estates he has a "house" in. The God that is all powerful and yet creates paradoxs of human nature in our every day life. The god who has some of his leaders put in jail now ..

There are a million copies of the original blog out there now. I see replications in the VJC forums, heard that they have also replicated on the forums of the guy's university for the current students' viewing pleasure, and I believe those to be just tip of the ice berg. So what are you going to do, have Noah build a ark and exterminate all the sinners? Maybe we should call it Errol's Ark.

Initially, I really took pity on her, and I meant that my heart really went out to her. So much so that I would have been willing to help in whatever way I could. This would have remained the case until you came into the picture. Because although she was tomorrowed, I saw those insensative comments being the one driving her away ... driving her to become redrawn from the society.

And than guess what. You idoit christian zealots got to come in and start threatening this and that which really got me thinking: are these people fishing for sympathy? If so why dun you have at your church a TF Star Charity for this weekend to raise funds for a trust for the kid? I am very sure that the flummoxed flock of sheeps would have great sympathy and donate generously.

Even more so you might want to hire former charity personnel to help raise funds for the Kid. I am very sure they will perform superbly at it, and I have heard that they are looking for a job, just the right time.

TF, I hope you do not take offence on this post. I still and will continue to sympatise with you greatly and I think the LX should be castrated and made an example off. But this Errol guy (your campaign marketing manager) is really getting on my nerves.

There's no love in this relationship. The baby is up to the mother's decision. Counsellors can only help that much. It's about conscience and responsibility.

Man*on - your comments are way out of point. Dont understand what you are trying to achieve here. I think tomorrow sg should just remove this unhealthy thread. Alot of people who JUST CANNOT GET IT.

Everyone, Just drop the whole matter since the couple are handling it themselves offline.

NO further comments are required!!!

"it’s mean to say this, but girls really need to be less OPEN in relationships.. what applies to other cultures DONT necessarily apply to ours… "

Oh please. Our (Chinese) culture was one of polygamy until the Brits introduced the foreign culture of monogamy sometime in the early 1900s. Hence, Chinese culture have always been very OPEN (i.e. one man fucking many women) when it comes to relationships. More so than the monogamous culture of the West.

"5) Marriage: Thank goodness this still exist…"

You forgot:

6) Divorce: thank God for the get-out clause.

What do you mean, of course its a bad thing. Was there ever a doubt?
Beneath the facade of maturity and unconventionality covering the blogosphere, lies a huge group of gossips, witchhunters and rumourmongers who read and comment on blogs but don't have their own. Hiding behind the veil of anonymity, they wreak havoc by making seemingly sensible but really ridiculous comments.

To the fella a few comments below, in the first place the picture of the scholar-elite is something that exists only in the minds of those with inferiority complex. Scholars are just as fallible, and if it were not already very obvious, they fall faster and harder when they do.

It's sad to see that the blogger's kind intention of submitting this link in bid to raise awareness on this issue has tragically backfired. Now, this seems like something the tabloids would love to work on..

Sometimes I wonder if getting exposure on Tomorrow.sg is a good thing after all.

1) Yes, she was naive and stupid.
2) Yes, TF will keep the child. No, she will not kill him/her.
6) No, LX won't if he's not legally required to.
7) Yes, if her single income allows her to. She wants to give the very best to her child. Both her parents are retiring next year. They do not own any business, nor do they own any property besides their 20+ year old HDB flat, and she is the only child, so she will be having 3 dependants.
8) She won't be able to present a united front without him. But she will do whatever it takes to protect their child.

Last attempt. STOP, dears! Let both of them sort out the problem themselves.

Look, today is a beautiful day and tomorrow will be a beautiful day. Babies are the most beautiful and lovable creatures in the world. Every mother and father should know.

Shut down your laptops (they have a magical power of zapping life liquids out of you, if you know what I mean), open the windows and breathe in some fresh air. Take a walk in the parks, take in all the sights of families: fathers, mothers and their adorable darlings.
Some people may eventually decide not to have babies and partake in this beautiful event, but they can always go to the park and breathe in the scene.

Also, have you ever heard of a girl named Pandora. Everything was good to her initially. When she opened a box, some terrible things came out, like what had happened here. But beneath everything, she saved the most precious thing of all: hope.

Hope

Not trying to sling mud or anything, but it goes a bit to washing your dirty linen in public, just wanting attention, etc... Hell, there's a kid involved, then again, there are millions of kids involved in Africa that are dying and I'm talking about children who are born and dying from fully preventable causes. Women tend to be more truthful to their feelings than truthful to their words/facts. I'm generalizing here but I don't think one's an angel the other's the devil. It's a case of a situation occuring (yes, it's a kid, i know), and actions stemming from that, and a bit of flaunting one's dirty linen.

I just can't stand it I must say something.

"My blog was meant for my personal circle of friends....
Never meant to leave breadcrumbs...."

For goodness' sake if it were for the circle of friends in the first place, wouldn't they KNOW who this LX is? Is there a need to be like so specific about his work, his history bla bla bla....

Not meant to shame? Must be taking me for a great big fool if you expect me to believe that.... its priceless....

Oh I just pasted this great big poster of his face at Orchard Road, but its just for my own friends to see... not for the hordes and hordes of people who will pass by...

It is precisely because the blog was meant for private viewing that TF had written so freely about the details of LX and herself. It's not as if she had written many details about LX, and wrote nothing or very little details about herself. She had written enough about herself that whoever knows her, would know who she is.

My question remains: What sort of responsibility is LX taking towards his child?
He immaturely goes on and on about what she did and that their relationship is not smooth sailing, I guess in a blatant attempt to show off how vindictive TF is. But never once did he mention how he was going to take responsibility for for his child.

Come on, LX, be a man and take responsibility for your actions like a real man standing up, not hide behind the backs of mummy and daddy, and your friends. It's pathetic that a man of your standing can be so whiny.

Comment below mine is rather naive.

Such vindictive actions from the woman really reveal a deeper motive than "spend time with the kid"

And what would kind of "deeper motive" would there be for wanting the father to spend more time with the child?

You can call TF's actions as vindictive, but I would like to point out that she has left enough clues about herself as well so that whoever knows her would know exactly who she is. If she wanted to shame her ex-bf, she would be shaming herself as well. It was precisely because her friends know her ex-bf's background and the blog was meant for them only, was why she had freely written about his and her own background. If this blog was meant for the public, she would have written alot more about him, perhaps even his real name, I/C no. and address, and reveal nothing or very little about herself.

Everyone is entitled to their own comments and views on this issue. It's up to you whether you want to believe that the blog was meant for private veiwing or now. At the end of the day, all that matters is that TF knows that she, her friends and people who care about her know that the blog was meant for private viewing and her conscience is clear. It is always easy and cowardly to hide behind the curtain of the internet and accuse this and that. I won't be surprised that many of these thoughtless, hurtful and mean comments are from LX, his family and friends who only see things from a narrow, twisted and male point of view. If you want to accuse TF of not loving her child, what has LX done to show that he cares for the child and what sort of responsibility is he taking?

Leave the poor girl alone.

I noticed that LX kept stressing that his relationship with his ex-gf was not smooth-sailing. The rockiness of their relationship is not an excuse for him to absolve his responsibiliy as the father of the child. TF did not rape him, neither did she artificially inseminate herself with his sperm. LX himself wrote that their sexual relationship was mutually consensual. He should therefore take responsbility for the consequence of his actions. TF is, by not denying the child his/her life and bringing the child up on her own. LX should not pay what measely child maintenance the family courts order him to, and pretend that his child does not exist. I think what TF is hoping for her child, i.e. for LX to spend 4 out of 168 hours a week, or 2.4%, with his child, is a fair request.

Dude, human nature to blame others when things happened..

Anyhow, what is supposed to be a private matter between 2 highly intelligent S'poreans...turns out to be one where dirty linen washing in public. What can I say?

Stop this. IMO If you care, please do remove posts from your blogs with regard to this.

It would be better for the couple to sort this out away from the public view. They may not be able to handle both their problem and the media circus at once.

Trackback from TristeFemme reply to 'father':

nitially, I didn't want to comment about my personal issue that seems to have become a popular topic amongst the blogging community here and was hoping that things would cool down after a while. ...

Trackback from A Doc's Life:

When a woman who is more than 14 weeks’ pregnant, and she decides that she cannot or does not want the baby, she will need to undergo MTTP (Mid-Trimester Termination of Pregnancy).........

Please read the boyfriend's entry and do a search for Borderline Personality before passing judgement. The trackback is my feelings about abortion and is not directly related to the topic.

Trackback from The father (?) replies...:

I am lx. I originally did not want to respond. But seeing how things have evolved, I feel its fair to state my side of the story so that all of you can have a fuller picture of what actually transpired....

Come on.... just consider what was said by her:

'I had a good first impression of him but thought that nothing more would come out from this meeting, as this would be the first and last time I would see him.'

but when he asked her out for coffee

'I wore my favorite white dress and even took the trouble to put on some make-up, but tried my best to make it look as subtle as possible. I'd wanted to make a good impression.'

Why would someone do this, if she did not consider trying to impress him (which is already putting it very subtly)?

'LX did not fit bill of my ideal guy.'

'I decided that the above differences could be worked on and overlooked. A crush was coming onto me.'

'He is not the caring, responsible and generally nice person that I, our mutual friends who had known him for the past 6 years since his university days at the Univerity of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and I would think everyone else, thought he was. That he is actually nothing more than an extremely self-centered and irresponsible coward, who would kill his own child for his own selfish reasons. '

It does not appear to be a case where he forced upon her, and she also did not clarify if it was a case where she tried to break up with him, after finding him less this desirable, that he insisted on staying with her.

8 month ain't a short time... how long does it take to for her to know who he is? If he is who is he, being who is he, is this 8 months a result of an incapability to know the person she is with, or is that an error of judgement to do so?

'Despite our quarrels, his inability to commit to me and my 26 years of cynicism, I was still hoping that one day fairy tales would come true for me.'

There is nothing wrong with having dreams, for dreams do come true; but surely, for an adult of 26 and of supposedly high calibre, this is a conscious choice that was make based on deliberated judgements.

'I slept with him, because I loved him. He slept with me definitely for reasons other than love. Sexual gratification? Because sex is part and parcel of relationships today and sex is a boyfriend's right?'

If this was said by someone say at least 5 years younger, this would be a very convincing point. Young women who are suppesdly innocent and niave. Yet, she is 26, and she studied in the US? I mean, what kind of world has she lived in? It is not a simple issue of right or wrong, but I cannot comprehend her seemingly surprised attitude to sex and relationships. Has she not known of things such as casual relationships?

In this time and age, there is such a vast diversity in the type of relationships that exist, that it is increasingly difficult to fully categorize. Is she ignorant or choosing to ignore reality?

The story that she has presented, is one that is directly attempting to place blame on the guy, and yet, is she not actively involved in leading up to her present situation.

Her situation is not most ideal, and I believe that whoever that guy is, that he should have the decency to support her not just financially, but emotionally. Yet, is marriage neccessarily the solution? That is much less certain.

Is it not the case, that the relationships these days are increasingly uncertain, and at times fluid? And I guess much of this level of instability, is because our lives these days are far less certain. Yet, this is the situation that we are facing today, and it is something that we have to cope with.

'While he hates me for screwing up his life, he has screwed up my life, too. I am the one who has the bear the burden of carrying and raising the child, and be subjected to social redicule. So, whose life is actually more screwed up than whose?'

On the last note, I think both their lives are severaly thrown off balance by this turn of events, and clearly, her attempt to publicise it, seems unlikely to benefit anyone. Maybe its a way of getting back, and on that, it may have worked. Should he be less self-centered? Well, if he is self-centered, is one asking him to not be not himself? Maybe.

However, to put things further in perspective, the world today is much different from days of the past; and to what extent are the ways that people used to think of relationships, sex and marriage still applicable today?

I guess the issue of unwed-mothers is still somewhat at the boundaries, and is probably something we need to grasp better. I doubt many people today, outright reject the possibility of divorce in marriage and or being able to move from a relationship to another when it sours. To accept such flexibility in life, comes at a price; and the difficulty I find in her story, is how to place her situation within an expected level of decency from parties involved, and the now widespread acceptance of things such as divorce and break-ups.

Support for her is totally separate from going on a witchhunt. Please lah.

What good will it do the baby?

Oh you are that so and so dot dot dot bla bla from the where that time got this big donno what donno what insert gossip here.

And the hatred she has... good for the baby? Hurting it before its born... how a mother feels affects the hormone balance... bad chemicals go to the child too.

Then after the birth? You think it will be normal? I'm prolife too... but you got to be pro life to the end man... not some half ass prolife bring the child into a hate filled life.

I mean... she is in a plight and sympathy goes out to her... but she's digging a hole for herself in her not so well disguised vindictive actions.

Trackback from Idle Days:

I say that this has already happened. It is a personal thing. Either you choose to show support by encouraging her or you don’t. Why go on a witch hunt and try and expose the guy?...

TheMarxx: Who are you kidding? To highlight the plight of single mums in Singapore? Excuse me but I think you meant "to highlight her own plight". There is no indication that she cared about other single mums in Singapore until she became one herself.

Oops forgot to mention

TristeFemme started the blog with two intentions
1) to highlight the plight of single mums in Singapore
2) to vent and document her anguish

Invariably, some of the hurt did creep into her initial writings. We had hope that the writing would become more balanced as the healing progressed.

Some speculations that I would like to clear up:
1) She does not want the father back
2) She is not conjuring up any facts to milk sympathy
3) She is not rich
4) She is not little
5) She did not post the link on Tomorrow, nor did she intended for it to
6) She did use contraception

TheMarxx, what kind of contraception did she use and why did it fail? Maybe we all can learn something through this incident.

I'm not the Marxx, but reading through her blog, she was on the Pill and had a infertility problem. The ex-boyfriend didn't use a condom. Even on the Pill and with an infiertility problem, shit happens, so boys and girls, remember that 0.01% chance can also happen to you. Btw, condom with the Pill also not guaranteed because there's also a 0.00000001% chance to get pregnant.

Trackback from somewhat blue:

the story tears at the heartstrings, doesn't it? that's what i thought initially, until i'd realised everything's coming from one person's perspective. i think this was pretty well-analysed here....

Trackback from e pur si muove:

Nosy querants have pressed me, surely you know this LX fella, he was a contemporary of yours at UIUC, scholar some more, right? And you probably know who the protagonist is too. And isn’t this news just so scandalous?...

Hi Everyone
TristeFemme's blog has been taken down because this was never how we intended the blog to turn out. It was an outlet for her to share her feelings with people who cared, not a gazillion pornographic voyeurs.

In anycase, I ask that we not throw rotten eggs/tomatos/ NKF donation tins and the like at the father. Of course she was angry. And I fear that many of us will never be able to understand the anguish of being stuck with something that you did not also want. Such public shaming was never her intention and she is actually quite disturbed by some rather thoughtless comments and the sheer volume of traffic to her blog.

For those who have left encouraging messages, a thank you. When she felt most alone, you have assured her that she is not while reserving judgement and opinion.

I am happy to note that as of this posting, mother and child are doing fine. Surrogate dad-to-be is still trying to come up to speed on a lot of things. And if the baby is a girl, we already have a beautiful name.

Email me to validate the authenticity of this comment or if you have something really nice to say to Tristefemme.

well, since she's kept the child, love the child for who it is and not who the father is, the father never existed. end of story. to assume that this child owe's her a debt for being born is the worst mistake she can make.

I know this from similar experiences.

Trackback from Deep Thoughts of a Singapore Critic:

Many other blogs started spreading and commenting about it. Just like a rollercoaster. What I really enjoyed reading more actually, was the responses from different people....

Oops, forgot to include Google's disclaimer in the trackback blurb, so here it is:

Google is not affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible for its content.

I wonder if "conscienceofsingapore" (post'er' of this article) is the author of tristefemme??

Trackback from Yahoo! cache:

Below is a cache of http://tristefemme.blogspot.com/. It's a snapshot of the page taken as our search engine crawled the Web.

...

Yahoo! is not affiliated with the authors of this page or responsible for its content....